“I believe in you”
“I am here for you whenever you need me”
“I love you no matter what”
They do not need to know how frustrated I feel sometimes.
Those things are mine. Not theirs.
I am responsible for my feelings.
My children are not responsible for my feelings nor are the cause of them.
The cause of my feelings is my own reactions to situations.
That is for me to deal with and my children do not need to be aware of that process.
They are children and I am the adult.
I need to be responsible for me and let them grow up secure in the knowledge that they can trust me to be there for them, whatever they need, whenever they need it. They need to know I will defend them always.
I know for sure that I do not want my kids to get online one day as they get older and read that I really struggled to parent them because they were so difficult to live with. I certainly wouldn't want them to read that I wished they were different than they are, even if that were how I felt at the time.
We as parents need to listen to adults who have been where our children are. When Autistic adults say to us that if we talk about our kids in a certain way it hurts them, we need to listen. When they say that if we complain about Autism our kids will hear that as us disapproving of them, we need to listen.
Surely we can do better for our children. The way we speak about our children matters, and they do not need to hear us saying we wish to change them. Us loving them does not rely on them being anything other than themselves just as they are, and they need to know that.
Please help me tell them.